One conversation, three ways.

Stationery - not as straightforward as you might think. I went to the newsagent today, with a short and specific list of requirements. Four sheets of red A4 paper, a Glue-Stick, contact for books, a letter stencil, and a Stanley Knife. This is how the transaction would have gone in Melbourne:

Me: Hi, I´ve found most of the things I need, but where do you have the contact?
Stationery Lady: It's over by the wrapping paper, third isle.
Me: Oh, I see it.
Stationery Lady: That'll be eleven dollars thirty nine cents thanks love.
Me: Thanks! Bye!

Everyone's a winner.

This is how the transaction would have gone in Dublin:

Me: Hi, I've found the glue here, but I need red paper, contact, a letter stencil, and a Stanley knife.
Stationery Lady (in thick North Dub accent): Contact? I don't have any of that now, we only stock it in September. The schoolbooks, you know. Red paper...is it somebody's birthday? No? Just a minute dear. Oh, no, well we have orange or yellow, will that suit you? Oh, I'm sorry. What was that other thing you said? Knife? We don't sell knives here any more, not after that young wan, your man from Limerick, don't remember his name now, used one of them things to cut the heads off all his sister's Bratz dolls. Good idea if you ask me, I hate those Bratz, they're unnatural. I know Argos sells knives though, you could try them.
Me: Just the glue then.
Stationery Lady: That'll be eleven euro thirty five cents.
Me: Thanks! Bye!

Well, I didn't get what I wanted that time, but at least I escape the situation with minimal or no embarrassment.

So, this afternoon I went to the newsagent for that list of items, with one small problem: I don't know the Spanish word for Stanley Knife. Or stencil. Or contact. Or glue. Here is a pretty much verbatim conversation from this afternoon, translated of course:

Me (start with the easy thing): Hi there, I'd like some red paper please.
Stationery lady: Wrapping paper?
Me: No, just regular A4. But red.
Stationery Lady: How many?
Me: Four please.
Stationery Lady: Here you go.
Me: I'm also looking for that plastic thing, to cover books?
Stationery Lady: *puzzled look*
Me: You know, it's plastic, and it's sticky on one side, you stick it on books to protect them...
Stationery Lady: Oh that! No, we don't have that.
Me (starting to get flustered): OK. Well actually, I also need...a plastic thing to draw letters...
Stationery Lady: *puzzled look*
Me: (now with other patient customer waiting in the background and listening in) You know, it's plastic, and you put the pencil inside it, it helps you to draw letters...
Stationery Lady: A stencil?
Me: Yes! A Stencil! That's it!
Stationery Lady (rummaging in drawer): How about this?
Me: Do you have anything bigger?
Stationery Lady: What about this one?
Me: That one has more letters, but I need one with fatter letters.
Stationery Lady: Well, this is the only one I have.
Me: OK, never mind that then. Er, I need, um, well, you use it to stick stuff together...
Stationery Lady: *puzzled look*
Me (spying packet of superglue): Like this, but not as strong.
Stationery Lady: For paper?
Me: Yes, for paper.
Stationery Lady (pulling out Glue-Stick): Like this?
Me: Yes, just like that.
Stationery Lady: The big one or the small one?
Me: The small one please.
Stationery Lady: Is that all?
Me (with my bag of four red A4 sheets and mini Glue-Stick): Yes, that's it.
Stationery Lady: That'll be three euro and twenty cents.
Me: Here you go. Thanks very much!
Stationery Lady: You're welcome!

Ran out of the door, cheeks ablaze and resolving to improve my stationery vocabulary. Needless to say I wasn't valiant enough to attempt the Stanley Knife.